Friends, Part Two

Those who doubt that there are signs of God may need to pay closer attention.  Shortly after my post about friends, I went off to meet someone who we are hiring to help with a small job at our weekend home.  I posted the "job" through the church where I sometimes worship when I'm there and got six replies, all of them promising sounding.  One stood out by her choice to call me rather than email as did the others.  I liked the sound of her voice right away.  We made plans to meet at church.  After receiving a big hug from the rector, as I was looking around for my maybe new hire, I was put in the hugging mood and when she found me, I gave her a big hug.  We got some coffee and sat down, and for the next almost hour, we chatted like old friends.  I get teased about being too trusting of people I don't know, like the woman I met on the beach who pinched me on the cheeks in an angry fit when she discovered I didn't agree with her racist views of life.  The memory of that has taught me nothing, in fact, I'd forgotten the incident all together as I began to forge the beginning of a friendship with the woman from church.  She's just the sort of friend I like - - funny, self-effacing, interested in the world around her.  She and I traded information - - she's been married ten years longer than me, loved her work and is now a bit at loose ends since her retirement a few years ago, and loves the beach like I do.  Maybe it was the halo of meeting her through church, but I felt like I was not just interviewing a person to help me with a household chore but checking out my newest friend.  I told her that I hope that she and her husband will come to visit me and mine sometime and I think she may see the same spark of friendship that I see.  There were no awkward moments in that first visit and, after a quick review of plans for getting her started on the home chore, the natural time came to say goodbye, and another hug seemed like the right send off. 

Friends

Lately I've been thinking about friendship - - having friends, being a friend - - and have thought about how to be a better friend.  Years ago, a very good friend observed that I had so many friends that it seemed I collected them.  She meant it in the best way.  As the years went by, my list of friends changed, mostly because of my kids.  In one very special friendship, the kids were just the foil.  I had the great good fortune to meet the mother of one of my daughter's classmates, in nursery school, who I enjoyed as a friend for myself.  Years later, my daughter revealed that although she liked her friend who was the daughter of my friend, she was really just going along with all of those playdates because she knew how close I was with the other mom.  Now that my kids are grown I realize that I've let my friendships languish, except for a very few.  Seems like so little time to do the things that nourish a friendship, and so I stick with the friendships that require very little watering or nutrient.  That doesn't always work.  One friend, whom I've known in several capacities over the past 30 or so years, has been helping me think about friendship and what it takes to be and keep a friend.  In her funny way, she chides me for not holding up my end of the friendship.  In our infrequent get togethers I am discovering what our friendship means to both of us, now these many years later since we first met.  Lucky for me, this friend is very wise and has the advantage of more years of experience.  I am beginning to see the beginning of a new stage in our knowing one another, a stage of friendship, to add to our various other ways of knowing one another, mainly in volunteer roles.  When we're together, we laugh a lot, and I think this, for me, is critical to a good friendship.  When I think of my "best friend" that person is easy to identify as the person I met when I was 4 years old and with whom I've been friends every since.  Separated by miles doesn't seem to impair our friendship.  Lapses of contact leaves no wound to mend.  When I called this friend the other day with a belated "happy birthday" and missing the date by six months, she just laughed and said she was glad to know she isn't the only one who's not perfect.  We had a long talk on the phone, lots of laughs, and vowed to try to get together soon.  It might be years, really, before we actually see one another.  When my birthday comes around I'll know she's thinking of me, just as she knows I think of her on hers, even if I don't call.  "Old friends are the best friends" is really true, and yet, I am making a promise to myself to keep making friends.  I've heard it said that we should try to meet and get to know a new person every day, to expand ourselves beyond ourselves, and to discover what we have to offer, and to be reminded of what we need.  If you're reading this I hope you'll think of a friend you want to reconnect with or be encouraged to make new friends. 

Early Birds

Summer is my favorite time of the year.  I love it so much that my body seems to need less sleep and I wake up so much earlier than in the cooler darker months.  I might try to go back to sleep but for the eager feeling I have to get up and get at it, which might include doing a little work-work or noodling on the internet to look up the myriad of things that interest me.  I remind myself of Eloise at the Plaza, who follows her nose to see where she might find herself.  Just this morning, for example, I finished reading several stories online for an Osher class later today that I want to sit in on, researching lowlights for my silver/grey hair, catching up on several friends via their Facebook, looking a website sent by a friend, emailing that friend to see if she can come for a visit . . .  One interesting thing leading to another.  Now that I've been awake for a while, I'm beginning to think I should have tried harder to go back to sleep.  Oh well.  I'm headed to the swimming pool for a few laps before work - - that should wake me up.

Music and friends

I went to a concert last night with an old friend who I've known since the late 70's.  She and I are both music lovers and we agreed that the concert - - a variety of songs sung by two young people who have studied music and are now teaching - - was one of the best we'd ever been to.  Afterwards, we shared a meal at a local place - - an old favorite of both of us.  What a treat to have known my friend for so long.  She and I laugh a lot.  Our visits, although in frequent, are usually kept on a very light note, even when we're talking about something serious, if that makes sense.  She's much older than I and I wonder if her advanced age helps her to keep most everything in a humorous perspective.  She is, in her words, a 'confirmed agnostic' and I am a confirmed (literally in the Episcopalian sense) Christian.  I told her that "confirmed" and "agnostic" probably are mutually exclusive terms - - she laughed.  I heard recently that everyone has a 'god' even if they say they don't believe in God, as in what they worship - - could be material things, could be the reverance of nature, etc.  I wonder what my friend would describe as her 'god' or if she would say she doesn't hold anything in that way.  I'll have to ask her next time I see her.  She chides me because I don't call her often enough - - not in a way that makes me feel guilty, but in a way that conveys her interest in cultivating our friendship.  I'm the same age as her daughter and yet she doesn't treat me in a maternal way.  I have always considered her a mentor, professionally for our time together serving on a volunteer board, and personally for her fine example of a long and wonderful marriage to her now deceased husband.  One time I called her years ago to talk about our volunteer board work and asked her if I was calling at a good time - - she replied that she and her husband were having wild sex on the kitchen floor.  I laughed because I figured she was joking and yet I also thought how very possible that might be, given how close she and her husband were.  Years ago, when I was a young working mother, I went to my friend in her role as therapist for some talk therapy.  It was a huge help.  Now that she's much older and somewhat hard of hearing she's given up professional therapist work, and yet when I asked her if I could ever come to talk with her, with her therapist hat on, like in the dead of winter when my SAD is at its worst, she said absolutely yes, please come and talk, and don't worry that its any imposition at all.  I hope I'll remember that when my SAD has colored my thinking and acting so that I am so stuck in a rut of gloom.  It's June now and all that seems so distant and unlikely, now that I am getting out in the sun and the days of daylight are longer.  As the years go by, and I get more and more used to myself, I hope I'll work out some plans, like talking to my friend, to help myself.  Meanwhile, I'm grateful for friends and especially for this good friend with whom I spent a most delightful evening.

angels among us

Yesterday, a woman visited my office.  After a long and very fascinating (for me) visit, she said she thought God had put me in her life.  Wow.  I was stunned, honored, and totally blown away.  Mostly because I was thinking the same thing about her.  Thankfully, my days are full of such angels, if only I'm awake to them.

Getting Started

New to this blogging - - not sure anyone will ever read it but just in case I'll write for possible audience.  Chose 'blessed assurance' from hymn of same name - - seems to sum up what we all need, what I need for sure.