Friends

Lately I've been thinking about friendship - - having friends, being a friend - - and have thought about how to be a better friend.  Years ago, a very good friend observed that I had so many friends that it seemed I collected them.  She meant it in the best way.  As the years went by, my list of friends changed, mostly because of my kids.  In one very special friendship, the kids were just the foil.  I had the great good fortune to meet the mother of one of my daughter's classmates, in nursery school, who I enjoyed as a friend for myself.  Years later, my daughter revealed that although she liked her friend who was the daughter of my friend, she was really just going along with all of those playdates because she knew how close I was with the other mom.  Now that my kids are grown I realize that I've let my friendships languish, except for a very few.  Seems like so little time to do the things that nourish a friendship, and so I stick with the friendships that require very little watering or nutrient.  That doesn't always work.  One friend, whom I've known in several capacities over the past 30 or so years, has been helping me think about friendship and what it takes to be and keep a friend.  In her funny way, she chides me for not holding up my end of the friendship.  In our infrequent get togethers I am discovering what our friendship means to both of us, now these many years later since we first met.  Lucky for me, this friend is very wise and has the advantage of more years of experience.  I am beginning to see the beginning of a new stage in our knowing one another, a stage of friendship, to add to our various other ways of knowing one another, mainly in volunteer roles.  When we're together, we laugh a lot, and I think this, for me, is critical to a good friendship.  When I think of my "best friend" that person is easy to identify as the person I met when I was 4 years old and with whom I've been friends every since.  Separated by miles doesn't seem to impair our friendship.  Lapses of contact leaves no wound to mend.  When I called this friend the other day with a belated "happy birthday" and missing the date by six months, she just laughed and said she was glad to know she isn't the only one who's not perfect.  We had a long talk on the phone, lots of laughs, and vowed to try to get together soon.  It might be years, really, before we actually see one another.  When my birthday comes around I'll know she's thinking of me, just as she knows I think of her on hers, even if I don't call.  "Old friends are the best friends" is really true, and yet, I am making a promise to myself to keep making friends.  I've heard it said that we should try to meet and get to know a new person every day, to expand ourselves beyond ourselves, and to discover what we have to offer, and to be reminded of what we need.  If you're reading this I hope you'll think of a friend you want to reconnect with or be encouraged to make new friends.